Gafoo’s Blog

Stardom.mp3

And why are you so vain?
You know we talk about you everyday.
And why are you so plain?
You know it shouldn’t have bothered you anyway.

Waiting and wanting to come out on my own
And I will choke on your praise
Waiting and wanting for you to see that I am like you too.
You turn to me and say…

And why am I to blame?
You know you can’t complain when you won’t change.
And everythings the same.
What a wasted life today

Waiting and wanting to come out on my own
And I will choke on your praise
Waiting and wanting for you to see that I am like you too.
You turn to me and say…

This was an idea I badly wanted to do with The Bessemer Process (the band I started and was in for about 2 years). I figured that since it was such a typical rock song that we could learn it quickly and it would become a good piece for shows. Not only that, but the chorus had some harmony so Matt and I could both sing. Somehow, as with a lot of my songs, the band just didn’t get the right feel for the song. Take it from me: if you have your own vision for a song and can already hear how the arrangement works then you do not want 3 other people tinkering with it. That was the problem I had with a lot of my own songs. I just had to have them my way. I felt bad too cause that was very stifling to the other members to not let them put their own twist on a song rather than have me tell them what to play.

Anyway, as a result of that, I decided it would be best to just drop the song and record it myself.
So this recording is not the last you will hear of this song. I will re-record this song. A few things went wrong with this song before I got a chance to fix them. One: I was accustomed to recording fake drums (MIDI) so I usually multitracked them. That is, I would record just the cymbals, then the snare drum, then the toms, then the bass drum and later using software and a keen ear, I would sync everything up. The reason I did this is for eq. I would adjust the sound qualities of the fake drums so they would sound a bit more real. Having them all on separate tracks would ensure that when I turned up the bass on the bass drum, the cymbal sound wouldn’t get messed up and when I added reverb to the toms, the snare wouldn’t get out of whack. Anyway, while I was turning the knobs I was monitoring them on a cheap ass pair of headphones and I unfortunately turned the bass way up on the bass drum track and also put the snare way to forward in the mix so consequently, the drums sound way too loud on the whole track. Anyway, aside from that, there are a few frequencies that I hear on the track that I can bring out and really make the whole thing sing. Speaking of singing, I hit a few off key notes in the chorus the first two times (actually once but I made it a copy and paste job cause I was in a hurry) so I figure I will patch in and re-record that part.

As for the lyrics…well…time to dive into some self conciousness…
This whole song is actually a pretend conversation with a person I knew in high school. A conversation I actually wish I had except that I am too chicken shit to say anything to anyone. And actually it’s a back and forth thing that I ask myself a question then ask a question to this person. After I went to Cal Arts in 1997 I came back with a huge amount of knowledge in music theory and world music. These are two things you don’t typically learn together but I will save that discussion for another time. Anyway, after I came back a couple of things happened to me. One: I was slowly but surely becoming more arrogant about my own abilities as a musician and composer (Why are you so vain?) and Two: I was becoming admired by people who previously hadn’t noticed me much. (You know we talk about you everyday). One of these people that admired me was someone who had absolutely no talent whatsoever. Whatever he knew how to do musically was completely aqquired as a skill. None of it was innate ability (Why are you so plain?). I looked down on this guy but it really wasn’t his fault, it was just the hand he was dealt. He wasn’t stupid. He got good grades, he was intelligent. He just couldn’t figure out music. I later realized this and gave myself hard time about treating him badly (You know it shouldn’t have bothered you anyway.) Anyway, as for the chorus, It’s sort of me yelling at him. I didn’t want him to be hanging onto my musical ability (Waiting and wanting to come out on my own.) and I also didn’t want to hear anymore compliments from him or from anyone who was suddenly treating me like I had some god given gift (and I will choke on your praise). The last line of the chorus stems again from my own vanity (as does the title of the song). I didn’t want to be some musical god. I just wanted to be normal again (Waiting and wanting for you to see that I am like you too). So my friends now all know what they probably already knew about me anyway but at least now, my insane vanity is in writing for all to see.