Gafoo's Blog

I know I have spoken of this before but I am really feeling lost. And it is a certain type of lostness (yes I created a word) that drives you to blog.  Simply put, I am sad…

I know that seems incredibly selfish of me so allow me to explain.

Actually I tried to explain on the last post but I did a piss poor job. I am confused and a little lost. I really am. Alyssa is helping by explaining to me that running 30+ miles a week is enough that I pretty much don’t have to worry about what I am eating. I am at my goal weight and I don’t know how to transition back into maintenance calories.  I thought it would be easy….I just gotta eat more.  But I feel like eating more is bad for me. I have been such a fucking diet nazi for the last 5 months that eating a little more seems so fucking wrong to me. 

I have made small compromises for sure though, which makes me feel a little better.  I don’t eat as “clean” as I used to.  For one, on the celebration post, I definitely enjoyed heading to the taco shack and picking up the greasiest steak taco I could find (laid off the red meat too!) and scarfed that shit down.

But I feel very lost.  I know I am still training for the impending 26.2 miles I have coming up in May.  But still, it feels as though I could do the marathon now and get a good time. I did 12 miles this past weekend in less than 2 hours. I have never run 12 miles in my life and yet I still managed a respectable pace for a 1st time marathoner. Enough that I will achieve my goal of finishing in less than 5 hours.  Hell, if I actually push myself, I could break 4 hours.  I still have 82 days and I am running a very consistent 8 minute mile (which is a 3.5 hour marathon for those checking).

One reality check….I really do love the book Nacho picked up for me…The Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer.  I was reading ahead and got to the chapter on “hitting the wall” and was actually brought to tears reading it.  It’s a scary prospect and one that I haven’t exactly hit yet. I have ate well and always kept myself very hydrated on all my training runs but I haven’t yet experienced anything further than 12 miles (they say that if you can run 18 miles, you can run a marathon).  Another way of putting it is “the last 6 miles is the second half of the race.”  I will get closer to finding this out this weekend as I hit the street for a 14 mile run and next weekend for a 16 mile run. Fuck man, 8 miles seems like a fucking cake walk these days.

Anyway, I digress…

This really isn’t the story of a 1st time marathoner (at least not yet anyway).  This is the story of a man who has no identity currently. I have lost the 50 pounds i wanted to lose and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I do realize how incessantly whiny this sounds and once again I apologize, but I have no other way to say…

I am lost.